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Sunday, July 21, 2013

Hibernating

I'm still around however I am making the most of winter by hibernating. I've had a big pulling to just hiding out, being less social and just savouring the short, cool days.
I am not depressed or anxious just chilling out at home and listening to my body.
My days consist of basically waking, going to work, coming home, showering by 6pm, dinner, tv and bed. There's not much else happening but it's what I need.
Living in our climate with so many warm months and 6 months of daylight saving gets exhausting. Listening to my body and spirit now, tells me to pull in. To be home with my family, to walk in my garden and stare at the blue sky with rolling clouds. To read, to meditate and to cook and I have been majorly decluttering which I am really enjoying :)

 [Here I am embracing my much hated curly hair]


It's funny as just this weekend I brought the book 'The way of the Happy Woman' by Sara Avant Stover. I read the beginning and then skipped to the season of winter and she descibes how I've been living. AMAZING!!! I haven't read the entire book but I do recommed it :)
So for now, my posts will remain sporadic whilst I keep in hibernation mode until my soul tells me otherwise :)

And here is the handsome Jovi :)
 
 
Until next time........................

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Catching up and our new arrival.

Once again I have been slow with posting. I enjoyed 10 days off work in the last week of the school holidays. It went by so quickly but it was bliss being able to stay up late, sleep in and not pack school lunches :) I even had time to learn how to knit. Sadly though I haven't found a lot of time to knit since going back to work.
Here's a sneak peak. It's not perfect and it's nothing inparticular, just me practicing.



I also celebrated my 32nd Birthday by taking my girls to Putt Putt Golf, buying a kindle paperwhite with birthday money and a delicious baked dinner at my parents place.


 
The following weekend we had my inlaws over for a delicious lunch that my hubby cooked. He is pretty good in the kitchen. We set the table and my daughter brought me yellow gerbera's from the markets.
 
 
 
And yesterday, Mothers Day, we picked up our new arrival. We've been waiting for him to be ready for us since march when we decided we would like another cat in our family. This time hubby picked the breed. He is an Australian Mist. If you aren't familiar with this breed of cat please do some research if you love cats. They are an amazing breed.
Introducing our new little boy Jovi.
 
He is isolated in our room at the moment until he is comfortable and confident in his new home. Then we will introduce him to our other cat Faith who is a British Blue. I am praying they get along.
Last night Jovi cried a little from 2am onwards so we didn't get a lot of sleep but he eventually nestled down in bed with him and fell asleep. It was his first night away from his Mum and siblings so very understandable. But he has eaten and had a drink, used his litter and purring VERY loudly so I think he'll settle pretty quickly.
 
How was everyone's Mothers Day? I hope you all enjoyed your day .......
 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Gift of an Ordinary Day

Things have been quiet around here. I really haven't blogged much because our days have been ordinary. Nothing exciting happening, just the usual work, school, homework, washing, housework etc etc etc But I'm not complaining for these 'Ordinary Days' are a gift that we all should appreciate.

So with that, I'll leave you a short you tube clip to watch called 'The Gift of an Ordinary day'. If you can spare 7 minutes I promise it's worth watching. But be warned.... You may need a box of tissues.

Let me know what you think :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olSyCLJU3O0

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

ASD - A difficult post to write...............................

This post is difficult for me to write. I've contemplated whether or not to write it or not. Whether or not to share this raw side of our life. But after much contemplation I decided to share this. To put it out there for one reason -  to bring awareness to more people in society about autism.

One of my daughters has Aspergers Syndrome. Date of 'official' diagnosis was the 1st June 2012.  I remember it as if it were yesterday.
As my husband and I walked out of the psychologists office after the 'official' diagnosis in the cold dark of night [it was after 6pm] we hugged. Finally someone confirmed our suspicions and finally we could work on helping our daughter with her daily struggles.

We knew, long before then that she had Aspergers. I, an Early Childhood Educator, since 1998, knew the signs from when she was 18 months old. I was always able to deal with the behaviour up until school age. 0-5 year age was my speciality and I seemed to manage well with her. 
During her school years her behaviour got worse.We knew we needed expert help. So we didn't get a diagnosis until she was almost 10 years old.
To this day, I regret not going down the diagnosis path sooner but I can't change what is, or has been.
I'm not mentioning my daughters name but will refer to her as She or her. I hope that doesn't sound bad :(


So what is Aspergers Syndrome?

 
Aspergers Syndrome  is a neurological condition. The pathways between the front and middle lobes of the brain are muddled up and don’t work properly. It is on the autism spectrum.

Some of the signs we noticed with our daughter were : 


She has always been advanced and smart for her age. She is above average in class and her teachers all say she gets on well with her peers. However we know she struggles and struggles a LOT . She just appears to be on a totally different wave length to her friends and can't quite 'fit in'.She has always been like this, it’s like she is so much older than her peers and just can’t relate to them.  It has always been that way however the older she gets it has been becoming more obvious.
 She can't maintain friendships at all. Every single day of school she complains of having no friends and she has never had a ‘close friend’ that she can connect with. In a group situation when she is trying to ‘fit in’ it’s very much “her  way or the highway”. She constantly wants to organise them, their play and only wants them to play her way.
She doesn’t have any current ‘trends’ like most children her age do. Occasionally she will say she likes ‘Bratz’ etc but really shows no interest and seems to just pretend she is interested to fit in with her peers. She will often just line them all up and not know how to socially interact with them.

She has never been very touchy feely, cuddly even towards us almost to the point that she is rigid when she hugs and it's like she hugs because she has too, it's like it's just not natural for her and she does it because others do. When she does it’s very half hearted and not a normal hug.

She is very intense and will just talk and talk to strangers to the point they don't even know what she is going on about and she doesn't let them speak, she just keeps going. She doesn't seem to pick up when others may have had enough. She talks at them rather than in a conversation with them. She relates well to adults but not so much children her own age. She can be quite blunt and even insulting and blurt things out and not really care or look concerned if it upsets anyone.
She has never engaged in make believe play. She lines all her beanie kids up, or gomu rubbers or mighty beans etc and organises them but doesn’t actually play with them. If her and her sister are playing ‘shops’ or something like that that involves make believe play she will have to organise it and tell her sister how to play. If her sister doesn’t play her way she gets angry and upset.


She does not like playdough, clay, goop, finger painting etc and never has. She has very poor handwriting [Which has only just begun to improve after lots of practice from us at home ] and hates gross motor activities and still refuses and can't ride a bike. She wasn’t able to jump from the ground up with both feet until almost 3.5 years of age.

She has an obsession with animals and has a way with them, she has to watch every animal show she knows will be on tv.

She is apparently really well behaved at school and eager to please but at home her temper is wild, she is very short tempered and just explodes over the most simple things.
 
 
She has no self care or personal pride. She only showers because we make her, she doesn’t care if her hair is not done and is messy, refuses to wash it for days and days etc.
 
She has no idea how to behave in public. She will have a melt down and not care if it’s in the middle of the supermarket. She seems to be in a bubble and just not notice or care that people are looking at her, it’s like she is in her own little world. She can also be very full on with people [at appointments etc where she is very familiar] interrupting adults to voice her opinion on a topic and just keep going on and on not recognising they are losing interest.
 
She constantly says “No one understands her” No one likes her etc.
 
She takes jokes and sayings literally all the time.

She only copes with routine, if something changes it will almost always end up in a melt down. She has to write lists and routines down in order so she is comfortable with what is going to happen.

She is very much a perfectionist. If anyone [like me] for example , makes a mistake when writing a note, shopping list etc She will pick out the error even down to the very finest details.
 
She loves repetition so she will copy novels straight from the book, will get her maths book and just copy page after page after page.



  So where does this leave us????????????? It leaves us with a pretty stressed household almost 90 % of the time. It leaves us with numerous visits to a clinical psychologist for both her and us.
It leaves us judged by many members of society who see her as badly behaved when she is having a sensory overwhelm meltdown.
It leaves me wondering how on earth some days I manage to make it to work on time after meltdowns all morning.
It leaves me mentally drained and exhausted at least 98% of the time.
It leaves me feeling guilty I have to work 36 hours a week out of the home and bring my work stresses home and create an even more stressful home.
It leaves me wondering how to help her cope and how she will function as an adult.
It leaves me feeling guilty that my other daughter is often left out as this behaviour attracts so much attention.
It also leaves me feeling like the proudest mum in the world. For while this is all stressful on me, it is on her too. And at the end of the day I wouldn't change her quirkiness for the world.
I love her more than life itself and always will.
 
Autism makes our life difficult at times but being on this journey has also enriched our lives in so many ways too.........................................
 
Many Blessings.

 
 





Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter Time

Happy Easter Everyone :) I hope your days have been beautiful and you have enjoyed famy time.
We've had a lovely few days.
I managed to have 2 nights without my daughters this week. My husbands parents had them both on Thursday and Friday night. It was quiet without them here but gave us some time together to relax and refresh which was nice.
Friday I had grand plans to clean, tidy, rearrange. But fate had other ideas when I woke up at 9:30 am [I can't believe it either lol] and was tired and achy and sniffly all day. So I spent the day in bed and on the lounge and now am feeling ok so I think rest was just what the doctor ordered after a busy two weeks at work.Whilst I was resting I read the latest two books I purchased. I have finished 'Slow Family Living ' already. I loved it. Lots of great ideas. But also lots of things that I already do so it was conforting to know that we are indeed already living our slow family life. I haven't started 'Simplicity' yet but can't wait to read it too.


 
 
Last post I showed pics of Mia's rearranged and organised bedroom. We did the same in Ella's room. Culled lots of toys and books no longer needed and freshened her room up and changed the furniture around.


 
We made Bruschetta with our fresh basil from our garden. Mia loves bruschetta now so we have been making it often for her [and us].
The full moon was amazing this week. I did say a silent prayer as I gazed up at her.

 
 
Ella and Mia had a teddy bears picnic with their Teddies today.
 
My girl Faithy loves the box hideout I made her. I'm going to cover it in old vintage sheeting to make it look at little more elegant for her.

 
Luckily the Easter Bunny found our place [sorry about the blurry pic]
 
 
My best friend arrived in town on Friday afternoon and is leaving tomorrow :( We enjoyed coffee together on saturday morning and a walk on the beach this morning. Whilst walking I collected shells and driftwood and created this mobile.
 
Ella also spotted a Port Jackson Shark Egg on the sand. I didn't believe her when she said what it was, we googled it and she was right. Amazing find so the girls are going to take it to school for news this week.
 
 
 
How was your Easter? Would love to hear what you all enjoyed doing.
Hoping you all have a wonderful Easter Monday.
 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Pure Essence of Innocence


"You are holding the Pure Essence of Innocence". These are the words a dear spiritual friend said to me as I held my firstborn at only days old. And he was right. Babies really are the Pure Essence of Innocence.
This week I watched my younger brother and his partner become parents for the first time.
The lump in my throat all day on wednesday was immense pride and love that I have for them. It held the thoughts of how beautiful, wonderful and magical parenting is.
I was in awe watching my brother this morning take care of his beautiful baby boy. I always knew he would be the best father. He is such a kind and wonderful man and his girlfriend is so very lucky to have him :)
Today we ventured to the Gold Coast to meet my beautiful Nephew. My two daughters took such great care of their new baby cousin and enjoyed their cuddles with him.
I, was suprised [ as I have previously spoke about my desire for more children and my grieveing of never having a son] that my feelings were not of jealousy and what if's, my feelings we that of pure and utter awe and amazement and love for this little boy who will always be my darling nephew.
And as I nursed my nephew this morning I whispered words of love, how loved he will be, how honoured I am to be his Aunty and how I will always be there for him.
Today I fell in love all over again. Today I felt only heartfelt love as I held my nephew. The Pure Essence of Innocence.........................................

Friday, March 15, 2013

Right Now................

Right NOW I'm :

Glad  the work week is over.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

Sorting and decluttering, Selling some unwanted items on facebook buy and sell pages, and it feels GOOD getting rid of things.

Hoping the coming weeks my children start to get better. We've had aching bodies, conjunctivitis, lump on a jaw, vomitting and now tonsilitis just this past 5 weeks.

Looking for suggestions for easy care indoor plants to improve the air flow in our home.

Waiting for the library book that I reserved to come in. It's called Far from the Tree. http://www.bookdepository.com/book/9780701176112?redirected=true&gclid=COqPtbvI_rUCFQZKpgodF0oAig

Feeling very unfit and I hate to say that body image although I don't want it to, still upsets me :( I'm going to try and schedule more exercise into my days somehow.

Missing my best friend. I have very few friends where I live. I miss girly coffee / movie dates.

Wondering what I can do for my daughters for Easter. Something fun/ easy/ crafty maybe? new traditions to start? Would love to hear what others do for Easter.

What are you up to RIGHT NOW!!!!!I would love to know what is going on in your world :)

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Our Weekend.....

We had a suprisingly relaxing weekend. It did start with grocery shopping which I really dislike. I dislike how busy Aldi is days, I dislike the loading of the trolley, unloading, loading again and then unloading. Drives me insane and by the time I get home I'm exhausted lol.
Other than that the weekend flowed quite nicely. Even my Mia, 7, said this morning "I feel like the weekend was a holiday". She was obviously relaxed too. She should be as she was vomitting friday night but well again on saturday, but we made sure she rested and took it easy.
Ella had a sleep over at her Grandparents house on saturday night too which made our home extra quiet.

Ella's  gardenia blossomed it's first flower this weekend. It smells divine :)


 
Washing powder was made for the next few months.
 
 
Sandwiches were made and the girls were happy it was on white bakery bread and not wholemeal.

Ella asked for a cake for school lunches this week so a simple butter cake was made [and hubby took a chunk out of the side before my pic. They girls didn't want it iced so it was very simple.



 
 
Mia's bedroom was sorted, cleaned and decluttered. It's amazing how much 'stuff' children manage to collect despite us rarely buying things for them.
 
 
 
I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone that commented on last week's post about living simply in our world right now. I've taken on board and marinated it everyone's thoughts/ ideas and support given. . On todays shopping list I am getting a white board to put up in our main living area with daily routine/ chores/ jobs to do and I'm getting the girls to start to do a few more chores than they have been and I'm also going to delegate times for technology and times without.
Will let you all know how it goes :)

Monday, March 4, 2013

Slow parenting in a fast paced World

It's not easy being a parent. It's even harder being a parent that is trying to live a slow and mindful life with the pressures of living in a fast paced world.
I know this because I am in the midst of it all.
I love my daughters so much I cannot even put it in to words.



I feel so pulled at the moment. I feel as though technology, keeping up with the Jones's, peer pressure, extra curricular activities, homework and school projects, performing well at work, financial issues, are all wrapped tightly around me. Sometimes it's hard to breathe.[For instance tonight when my anxiety went into overdrive].

I have visions of living a slow, blissful, peaceful life with my husband and my daughters. Where we can awake each morning, absorb the beautiful day, move slowly, experience quietness and go with the flow.

This is just a dream.

Our mornings [no matter how organised I am the night before] consist of me rushing making beds, making school lunches, arguing with the girls about what they are having for breakfast, making my own lunch, ensuring school bags are packed and did I say arguing?

We then all head off to work / school , usually stressed and upset. Only to then come home and deal with more arguments, cooking dinner, getting washing off the line, folding it and putting it away, helping with homework [and more arguing], cleaning up from dinner, showers, tv, stories and bed [at which point consists of more arguing].

The girls then have dancing two nights a week, mondays and thursdays. They both want ipod touches [which they don't have] but consistently want to play our phones / computers etc. I feel pulled as all the children at their school have ipods. They are amongst a group of peers that embrace this technology and it makes me feel like I need to let them. But that technology itself brings more dramas. Instant messaging causes fights with their peers even whilst at home which in turn brings more tension to our home.
We visit the homes of our girls friends, who are a lot more wealthy than us and I feel my little wooden [and now mouldy outside due to the rain ] home is so insignificant and I am embarrassed by it to ask her friends over to visit.
Homework is something that causes tears and arguments almost daily and I feel is a stress we don't need.
Then amongst all of that I go to work. I need to perform well and remember a LOT!! In a mind that retains little due to how much their is to remember.

So tonight hubby and I made a stand. Girls in bed at 7:30 pm and no watching TV until 8:30 pm. This resulting in screaming and crying from them, hubby getting upset and angry and my anxiety in full force.

Where was the peaceful night? Why can't my girls just be happy to head off to bed, relaxed and happy with a kiss and cuddle at night and being tucked in by us?

Why do we live like this? Because I know no other way??? We have to work and barely able to pay the bills as it is. Because we already live so minimally and barely get by.
Because all of these pressures and influences are what society expects of us all.
It's hard too because I need silence [and the tv is ALWAYS on when hubby is home :(] which he is always home when I am. I need the house to myself just an hour a week and I would be totally happy.

I need silence. I need stillness. I need mindfulness. I just don't know how any of these will happen when the pressures are there. The homework, the technology, the 'keeping up with the Jones's, the job we have to have, the bills we have to pay.

I guess due to the anxiety tonight I am feeling a little helpless. A little like I want to be living slower and have more time with my daughters and not [I'm so exhausted, it's the end of a long work day] rushed/ meaningless time with them.

I'd love some ideas / input if any of my dear readers has any?????

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The week that was.......

 
It was quite a week last week. Not only did we say good bye to our Dog, Ollie, we also dealt with horrible weather. This is a picture of our Lilli Pilli tree that broke off at the main stump. It actually landed on our neighbours roof and hubby had to pull it off. Our bird bath toppled over too.

 
Ella and Mia enjoyed crafting. Mia loves getting messy, making and creating. Ella hates any tactile, messy craft so she enjoyed sewing felt creations with the felt my Mum brought her and the cute sewing kit she got for Christmas.
 
 

I planted Basil last weekend. The rain this week has made it triple in size already. Mia is  looking forward to making bruschetta with it.




Our chook daisy pottering around the yard and more than likely enjoying the fact it wasn't raining for once.
 
Faithy girl sleeping as per usual.
 
 
 
And finally the new framed inspiration hanging in my bathroom , as a reminder of the importantce of life. I printed this off pinterest as a free printable and framed it with a frame I already had.
 
We had a gentle weekend all healing from our loss on friday. I have to say I am looking forward to this new week ahead.
 
I also did some non baking  this weekend. I will post the recipes later in the week. They certainly will become a favourite in our household. Hubby and the girls loved them :)
 
 
 

Friday, February 22, 2013

Good Bye Ollie Boy

Ollie 4 weeks old
 
Ollie  5 years old
 
 
Today was a sad day. We lost our beloved dog Ollie. We rescued him at 4 weeks old when he was dumped by the side of the road in a carboard box. We looked after him as best we could despite his huge size and difficult behaviour. My heart is broken but I know he is in a beautiful happy place and I hope he knows how much we loved him.........................

Monday, February 18, 2013

How much of what you have do you really need?

Believe it or not I used to be a hoarder. As a teenager I would drive my Mum crazy with hoarding all types of things, especially paper. [And that saying that karma comes back when you have your own children, is very very true as my oldest daughter is a huge hoarder lol].

It's funny how things work. Now I am the opposite. I can't stand clutter and  I seem to chuck everything out that is no longer needed.
I can assure you though there is still a little clutter in some drawers and cupboards I need to get rid of. But with working 4 days a week, taking my girls to dance lessons, housework, baking, washing etc I don't always get the time to go through all of these drawers.
Yes... It frustrates me but Rome wasn't built in a day and I try and let it go because I could get it done but it would mean late nights or time not spent with my daughters.
Overall though, my home is clutter free.
I'm not sure when my decluttering started but it was after I had my firstborn. I didn't want her living in clutter and I slowly learnt I had to become more organised. I was working full time out of the home with a baby. I HAD to be organised.
I also started decluttering when I started to go through my spiritual journey of living simply. I dug deep and realised that I did not need a lot of my 'stuff'.
I decided that unless I really needed it or it brought happiness / beauty into my life I would not keep it.
I also started buying less. I thought twice about what I really needed / wanted. I used to buy 2 magazines a week, would read them and feel so unfulfilled afterwards and there went $6 per week or $312 a year. So I stopped buying magazines. If I needed something I would shop online or in op shops for the best deals. I didn't just buy things for the sake of it.

I think the little things in life are what fulfill us. When we realise this, we no longer shop for the sake of shopping. We no longer try to keep up with others and we instead, choose to live a non competitive life with having less of what we want and simply what we need.

Living this way is a personal choice and it doesn't suit everybody. It also doesn't mean going without everything too. We still get a few little treats occasionally [Like my new coushin covers above]. One can't live just simply without any treats. We just select the treats we most desire, shop around for the best deal and ensure it's something that we find beautiful, that we enjoy and that will last.
A simple picture I got at the op shop [above].

I feel guilty over indulging. I feel guilty if I live in a huge house, drive expensive cars, and live an luxurious lifestyle when there are so many people around the world living on the poverty line.
Our income is already significantly low but we live such a rich life due to our frugality and our desire to just live simply.
So I am putting this post out there. To challenge others to think and reflect on how much of what you have do you really need?

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Baking time...........


Each week I bake something for my girls for school. They get very few store brought snacks as they are filled with the usual colours and preservatives.
This week I decided to make two very basic recipes.
The first is chocolate truffles. So simple.
Chocolate truffles are a good way to use up the old biscuits from the bottom of the biscuit jar that a cracked and broken and ones the kids avoid.
Here's the recipe :

Chocolate Truffles

I packet plain biscuits [Maria, Milk Arrowroot etc] I use the cheap Aldi ones or plain homemade ones.
1/4 cup [or less I just guess] of cocoa.
1/2 cup dessicated coconut.
I put it all in the food processor.
Place into a bowl with 1 tin of condensed milk.
Mix together and place in the fridge for 30 mins.
Then roll into balls and toss in coconut. Place in the fridge.

The second recipe is for Blueberry Muffins.

1 1/2 cups Self Raising Flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup canola oil
1/2 cup fruit [pears, saltana's, blueberries, raspberries, banana or even chocolate chips].

Cook for 15 mins on 180 degrees celcius.

They are delicious and take honestly under 5 mins to mix together. My girls love them.

This morning I also prepared one meal. I grated up 3 zucchini's two carrots, half a red onion and a cup of chesse. Placed it all in a freezer bag in the freezer. I will defrost later in the week and add some flour and egg and I have a yummy zucchini slice that my daughters also love. They eat it either warm for dinner or cold for lunch at school. The biggest time consuming part is all the grating so decided I'd get a head start today as I work tuesdays-fridays and we have dance 2 afternoons a week so I need to be organised.

So can anyone share their favourite easy, quick recipes or any tricks to help prepare for the busy week ahead?



Saturday, February 2, 2013

Your feelings are Valid no matter What !!!!!!!

 
 
 
 
 
The biggest lesson I have learnt over the past few months is that my feelings are valid.
My feelings and your feelings matter. As much as sometimes our feeings make us question why we feel that way and if we have a right to feel that way, they shouldn't.
We cannot help the way we feel. We can try and change the feelings. We can immerse ourselves in looking at a different perspective. We can talk ourselves into believing something different. But if our heart believes one thing, no matter how hard we try, we cannot change those feelings deep inside. And you know what? That's perfectly ok.
Why should we have to change the way we feel? Why should our feelings not be valid?
I think part of sharing my journey and part of invoking happiness is also recognising that even though we can be happy in our core, in our entire being, things happen, feelings arise and if that small part of us is unhappy or trying to deal with those feelings, it's ok.
What's not ok is hiding those feelings or feeling guilty about those feelings.
I'm going to go a bit personal on this blog. I need to get out what I am feeling. Because right now, I don't feel guilty for my feelings. They are valid to me.

In 2002 I welcomed my first daughter into my life. My pregnancy was perfect, an absolute dream [aside from the morning sickness lol] so when we fell pregnant in 2005 we hoped that pregnancy #2 was going to be the same. And it was to some extent. I had some bleeding at 17 weeks and a low lying placenta. By 20 weeks the placenta had moved up and all was good. By 34 weeks there was signs of my blood pressure rising [I have had high blood pressure since 18 yrs of age] and by 36 weeks it was so high I was hospitalised. By 37 weeks I was induced and after a 27 minute labour our second daughter arrived. She was a little small bundle but healthy.
I was allowed home, two days later and my blood pressure reduced but was still high enough to need medication. And still now I am medicated.
At the time I remember the Drs saying how lucky I was and how lucky my daughter was. I remember my DH and I saying "No more babies".
I felt like my two were enough.
Now 7 years on from my second daughter. I can honestly say that I have longed for another baby for the past 4 years at least.
I loved being pregnant. Even the morning sickness.Some asked if we would have more children. Especially considering we have two daughters so automatically people ask if you are going to try again for a boy.
I wouldn't care if I was to have another girl , if it was meant to be it would be. But I long for a son. I long for another child, but especially a son. My heart aches that I will never parent a boy. That I will never have a son grow up and rest his strong arm on my shoulder and say "Hey Mum" while looking down on me [which would be quite easy considering I am only 5 foot tall lol]. That I will never have a son grow into a young man and look up to his sisters. That I will never have a baby boy that my DH and I created, a mini DH to treasure.

Recently there has been so many pregnancies right in front of me. And I'm jealous. I've recogised that ache in my heart as jealousy. I've realised that I want that pregnancy to be me. It's so so so hard.
I also went through a feeling of guilt. Guilt for the women that can't fall pregnant easily. The partners that struggle with infertility. The guilt of being able to fall pregnant so easily and having two daughters that are gorgeous and healthy whilst others will never have that opportunity. And I guess I still feel guilty for that. But it doesn't make that longing and grieving I am feeling any less valid. I have every right to feel sad for the son I will never have. Why shouldn't I? It means I am staying true to my feelings.
I honestly don't think it's something I'll ever get over. I know I will always feel this way. And only now that I have acknowledged these feelings and that I know it's ok to feel this way and not feel guilty, that I have come to a small amount of peace within.
I tried to talk myself out of my feelings. I tried to change perspective and started quoting "Concentrate on the children you do have and not the ones you don't". But that quote and change of perspective didn't change the feelings in my heart and soul.

So my message to you is this........... Your feelings are valid. Never, ever, ever feel guilty for feeling the way you do about anything. Feelings need to be recognised and acknowledged and accepted. Once you realise this and stop feeling guilty for these feelings



 
 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Right now I'm :
                 Loving my daughter Ella's wall plaque
Feeling Peaceful in my lounge room [and so is my cat Faith]


               Embracing my now curly hair

Enjoying the rain and cool weather we are experiencing today after so many days of heat. I also hope the fires on our country are getting the rain too.

Wearing my Pj's and it's after 10am. Having a lazy monday at home , on a wet day, not having to be anywhere or get the girls ready for school.

Drinking yummy coffee from the coffee machine my parents brought me for Christmas.

Reading this Blog :
http://freespiritedtmama.blogspot.com.au/
And I love the way this family live their life, Kinda reminds me of our little family, living frugally. op shopping, and just living simply.

So what are you up to RIGHT NOW?

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Power of Forgiveness


Living a simple life is more involved than just making do, reducing spending, meal planning, baking, cooking from scratch etc, it also involves living a simple life mentally and spiritually too.
Releasing fears, forgiving, removing toxic people are all part of living a simple life too.
How can we live simply if we are carrying clutter in our minds? It's just not possible.

 Many people that suffer from anxiety and depression have some past lesson that is holding them back. Often there is resentment being held somewhere that is behind the anxiety, behind the depression. Not allowing you to be free. Not allowing your mind to release the resentment, the anger and the guilt. Before we can move on to living a better life. Before we can move on and experience happiness, fulfillment and peace we need to let go. We need to forgive the past hurts that are stopping us from moving closer to peace and contentment.
The power of forgiveness is a wonderful, fulfilling feeling.
However, I can understand that some circumstances do not allow oneself to forgive another person for their wrongdoings.
I know of a lady who lost a child last year due to another family members mistake. It has been heartwrenching for all involved and due to the circumstances this family cannot forgive the family member who caused the incident that took their child's life. As a mother myself I can totally understand where this family is coming from. How can one forgive someone who took their child's life when the person had a choice. This person had a choice to keep this child safe and they chose their own needs rather than putting the needs of the child first. Not everything can be forgiven. If someone was responsible for taking my child's life I don't think I could totally forgive. I could maybe understand it was something that could never be changed. I could accept that it had happened but if the person responsible had a choice then it would be hard to totally forgive.
But forgiveness can still occur. We still can find forgiveness in our heart and soul. If you cannot ever forgive the person or circumstance you can forgive YOURSELF for not being able to forgive.
You can let go of the guilt you hold yourself. Once you have achieved this your soul will be restored and healed. We will feel uplifted, refeshed and renewed.
If there is something holding you back from forgiving, something that is not totally unforgiveable, remember people make mistakes. We are all human and we all say and do things we later regret. We all make choices that sometimes aren't the best. BUT they are choices that we have made. We cannot change them but we can learn from them. They make us better people. Life is too short to hold grudges over minor things.
If you hold a grudge forever over a little disagreement think of all the wonderful times and opportunities you may miss. Everyone deserves a chance and even a second and third chance. If you have in you the inability to forgive than at least look at the circumstances again through a different set of eyes.Through their eyes. Offer them support. Offer them kindness. Offer them love. Do your best to help them. They may not be in the best head space either and a little love and support is something, as human beings that we all need. That we all desire. We feel so much better as people when we are helping others. Providing support and encouragement.
So I suggest if there is someone you aren't speaking to due to a rift, if a family member has upset you I suggest you look at the situation through their eyes. I suggest that you look into the situation and realise that their path is different to yours and that that is ok. If you feel this person is in need of help, bite your pride and offer it. We are all special. We all make mistakes. We all deserve forgiveness. We all need to learn to forgive. We all walk different paths. If they resent you realise it is part of their journey and not yours. Be the better person. Release yourself.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

This quote is really resonating with me right now. Right now, I am too focused on how life should be and not how it is. I am working on that and it is a huge lesson for me to learn. On a day to day basis I am happy. I am appreciating small moments. I am almost at peace. There is something holding me back from total peace though. Something that I blogged about not so long ago on my other website that I don’t think I am going to use anymore as I have converted to Tumblr. Here is what I wrote about. It will explain some of my feelings and why this picture is resonating with me right now. It will explain why I am struggling with what is and why it’s so easy to think what should be.
I labelled the blog post: YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!!!!
The biggest lesson I have learnt over the past few months is that my feelings are valid.
My feelings and your feelings matter. As much as sometimes our feeings make us question why we feel that way and if we have a right to feel that way, they shouldn’t.

We cannot help the way we feel. We can try and change the feelings. We can immerse ourselves in looking at a different perspective. We can talk ourselves into believing something different. But if our heart believes one thing, no matter how hard we try, we cannot change those feelings deep inside. And you know what? That’s perfectly ok.
Why should we have to change the way we feel? Why should our feelings not be valid?
I think part of sharing my journey and part of invoking happiness is also recognising that even though we can be happy in our core, in our entire being, things happen, feelings arise and if that small part of us is unhappy or trying to deal with those feelings, it’s ok.
What’s not ok is hiding those feelings or feeling guilty about those feelings.
I’m going to go a bit personal on this blog. I need to get out what I am feeling. Because right now, I don’t feel guilty for my feelings. They are valid to me.

In 2002 I welcomed my first daughter into my life. My pregnancy was perfect, an absolute dream [aside from the morning sickness lol] so when we fell pregnant in 2005 we hoped that pregnancy #2 was going to be the same. And it was to some extent. I had some bleeding at 17 weeks and a low lying placenta. By 20 weeks the placenta had moved up and all was good. By 34 weeks there was signs of my blood pressure rising [I have had high blood pressure since 18 yrs of age] and by 36 weeks it was so high I was hospitalised. By 37 weeks I was induced and after a 27 minute labour our second daughter arrived. She was a little small bundle but healthy.
I was allowed home, two days later and my blood pressure reduced but was still high enough to need medication. And still now I am medicated.
At the time I remember the Drs saying how lucky I was and how lucky my daughter was. I remember my DH and I saying “No more babies”.
I felt like my two were enough.
Now 7 years on from my second daughter. I can honestly say that I have longed for another baby for the past 4 years at least.
I loved being pregnant. Even the morning sickness.Some asked if we would have more children. Especially considering we have two daughters so automatically people ask if you are going to try again for a boy.
I wouldn’t care if I was to have another girl , if it was meant to be it would be. But I long for a son. I long for another child, but especially a son. My heart aches that I will never parent a boy. That I will never have a son grow up and rest his strong arm on my shoulder and say “Hey Mum” while looking down on me [which would be quite easy considering I am only 5 foot tall lol]. That I will never have a son grow into a young man and look up to his sisters. That I will never have a baby boy that my DH and I created, a mini DH to treasure.

Recently there has been so many pregnancies right in front of me. And I’m jealous. I’ve recogised that ache in my heart as jealousy. I’ve realised that I want that pregnancy to be me. It’s so so so hard.
I also went through a feeling of guilt. Guilt for the women that can’t fall pregnant easily. The partners that struggle with infertility. The guilt of being able to fall pregnant so easily and having two daughters that are gorgeous and healthy whilst others will never have that opportunity. And I guess I still feel guilty for that. But it doesn’t make that longing and grieving I am feeling any less valid. I have every right to feel sad for the son I will never have. Why shouldn’t I? It means I am staying true to my feelings.
I honestly don’t think it’s something I’ll ever get over. I know I will always feel this way. And only now that I have acknowledged these feelings and that I know it’s ok to feel this way and not feel guilty, that I have come to a small amount of peace within.

I tried to talk myself out of my feelings. I tried to change perspective and started quoting “Concentrate on the children you do have and not the ones you don’t”. But that quote and change of perspective didn’t change the feelings in my heart and soul.

So my message to you is this……….. Your feelings are valid. Never, ever, ever feel guilty for feeling the way you do about anything. Feelings need to be recognised and acknowledged and accepted. Once you realise this and stop feeling guilty for these feelings you may then find a sense of peace.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

100 things to do in 2013

One of my greatest Inspirations is Leonie Dawson at http://leoniedawson.com/
I love her 'Create your Incredible Year workbook. If you'd like to purchase you can here :
http://leoniedawson.com/affiliate-redirect/?p=Ellamia&w=incredyear
It's a bargain price and worth so much more. If you want to create an incredible 2013 and an incredible life BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!
One of the tasks in this book is to write down 100 things you would like to do in 2013. I have struggled with finding more than about 25 each year but this year I managed all 100 and I am amazed. Some I have already achieved :) So here they are

100 THINGS TO DO IN 2013

1. Live minimally
Yes.... I want to purchase less and only have necessities and things that are beautiful in my life :)

2. Declutter everything
My house is relatively clutter free but I would like it to be even moreso. I'll be doing this slowly, one cupboard at a time and donating to charity with the items I no longer need.

3. Build a vege garden
Yes... I have wanted to do this for a loooooooong time. This year I am going to MAKE it happen :)

4. Build a bigger chicken coop
We need a bigger one, I want MORE chickens I love their little personalities so so much :)


5. Play barefoot bowls
My parents and brother play bowls and are all pretty good. I've always wanted to give it a go so I am gonna do it this year.

6. Learn to sew
As a teenager my Mum wanted to teach me to sew. I thought I was too cool for that but now I wish I had of learnt. This year I want to learn the basics.

7. Learn to knit
I tried two winters ago but didn't have the time to keep going with it and now I've forgotten. I want to learn it again so am going to do this.

9. Cut my hair shorter
I bit the bullet last friday and did this already.  I love it so much I am going to go even shorter. Here's a pic of my cut so far.



10. Get a dreamcatcher tattoo

Yes I love this one :)


11. Go to the waterslides
12. See at least 5 movies
Already did this. Took my girls last tuesday.


13. Read at least 10 books
Reading books takes me time away from the computer so I'm up for that!!!!

14. Buy a kindle
I'm waiting for the Kindle Paperwhite to be available in Australia. Can't wait!!!! I like reading in bed and with Hubby going to bed early I need a back lit kindle. At the moment I use my iphone and the kindle app.


15. Have Mum and Dad over for dinner
Haven't done this in years. so we are going to do it this year and hubby and I will cook something amazing.

16. Have inlaws over for dinner
As above

17. Go to bed earlier
I'm such a night owl. After a restless 5 years with Mia being a terrible sleeper I seem to cope ok with not much sleep but I need to practice going to bed earlier at least by 10.30

18. Treadmill at least 3 x a week
My knee has been playing up badly but once it's sorted this will be a must!!

19. Plan 'fun days' with my girls on my calendar
Need to book these in NOW!!!!!

20. Visit my BFF at her house
She's been there 2 years now so must get out there. Was supposed to last friday bt my knee has been too painful :(

21. Visit Nan C
Will visit my Nan when I visit Best friend as it's not much further.

22. Take Grandfather for lunch
He lives in an amazing place so no excuse not to take hm out for lunch by the sea.

23. Can't say this one [Obviously something I don't want on the WWW]

24. Walk on the beach
Yes did this on sunday and it was amazing. Also swam in the ocean and the salt on my lips was just what my body was craving. I felt cleansed again.

25. Donate to charity
I already do, but I want to donate more.

26. Perform a random act of kindness [or more than one]
Have some ideas for this I will post another day.

27. Visit Minyon Falls
Gorgeous and not too far from where I live.

28. Buy a rainbow dreamcatcher
So pretty to hang in my room.

29. One lunch date with Ty
He suprised me last year and it was sooooo nice to have lunch cooked by someone else and without the children, just me and my love.

30. Teach Mia to ride a bike without training wheels
Yes!!! She needs to practice this. Will will get there.

31. Find or create a womans circle
I need more women like minded friends near me I miss this and am incredibly lonely at times.

32. Have coffee with Mum
It's just nice to do this.

33. Meditate twice a week
I'd actually like to meditate more but I think twice a week is doable when I am back working.

34. Go to Bangalow Markets
A lovely place to visit with gorgeous items.

35. Blog more often
Yes I think this is needed muchly.

36. Sort out my e book and how to enable instant purchase
Yes I have an ebook. It's called Invoking Happiness and it's like a little workbook. It involves the tools I used to invoke more happiness into my life. However I don't know how to set up instant purchase??????

37. Visit Macadamia castle
The girls would enjoy going again I think.

38. Play Putt Putt golf
Yes we played this on my birthday last year. The girls loved it and so did i so we must do it again.

39. Watch less TV
I don't watch a lot anyway but this means more of stepping away if it's on or just simply turning it off more. Bit hard when Ty ALWAYS has to have it on though.

40. Weed front garden
Yes it's a tad neglected at the moment but I'll get there.

41. Choose Happiness
I always try to but will even more if possible.

42. Go fishing with Ty
He loves his fishing and last time I tried it was fun so I'll give it another go.

43. Take Family to dreamworld
We said we would in 2012 but didn't so we had better this year.

44. Keep a 'Good things that Happen in 2013] jar
I have the jar but keep forgetting to add to it. Must start today!!!

45. Eat more Greens
Need I say more??

46. Put solar lights in yard
Just to make it pretty

47. Be a 'YES' Mama
Try this. Sometimes tiredness will make me fail but I'll keep trying. Thats all I can do.

48. Spend less time online
Oh I so need to get off the net and live my life more. Don't we all?????

49. Have more 'Movie nights' at home
Never really watch movies but need to start.

50. Paint ceilings in bedroom and bathroom
Yes a bout of rain caused some slight mould probs. Need to sort it before health problems arise.

51. Bake more bread
We were then stopped so we best start again.

52. Ring Nan more often
Need to do this too.

53. Take more instagram pics
MMMM not sure if I should or not lol

54. Go overboard with Birthday celebrations
Yes, lots of balloon hanging and celebrating I want to do more.

55. Journal more often
I recommend this in my e book and I was journalling a lot but have since stopped. I need to start again.

56. Get girls into extra curricular activity
Yes Mia wants to do Karate and Ella dance. Hard thing is juggling it all with work but will try my best.

57. Have a picnic
Yes!!! Can't wait!!!!

58. Use my Crystals more
Was using them a lot a year or so ago but have gotten slack they hold so much power I will start again.

59. Wear more Tie Dye
Love it!!! So must wear it more often.

60. Send 5 cars to friends/family just because
Just to share some love around.

61. Grow calendula and make salve
To help with all ailments.

62. Create a 2013 dreamboard
Just because almost everything on my old one has happened :) [Except the weightloss].

63. Make my own soap
Always been too scared to deal with lye. But need to try it and do it.

64. Complete the 'Digging Deep' ebook workbook
I love this workbook you can purchase it here: http://theorganicsister.com/

65. Swim in the ocean
Already did this on sunday.

66. Have a cave weekend
A weekend where my home is my cave, where I go nowhere, speak to no one but hubby and the girls and just simply hang out!!

67. Make a shell and driftwood mobile
Need to get my creativity on....

68. Plant lavendar
My last one lived a fair while but recently died. I need more. I love it.

69. Plant Aloe Vera
Got an aloe plant off my Mama, laready planted.

70. Eat more vegetarian meals
To save money and for my health.

71. Pay off cc
There's not much on it but I want it to be debt free already.

72. Buy new coushins for front room
Purchased some off ebay, indian handmade fair trade coushin covers, they are divine, waiting for them to arrive as I type this.

73. Weekly home facials
Cleanse, scrub, tone, mask, moisturise need I say more?

74. Download skype and use
To keep in contact with friends and family.

75. Print more photos and put in albums
Yes!! Modern technology has made me slack in the photo album department.

76. Try a jigsaw puzzle
Can't sit still long enough usually but going to try.

77. Got to Crystal Castle again
Love this place.

78. Accupuncture x 4 sessions
Need to get back into regular accupuncture.

79. 1 X Hot rock massage
Have wanted one of these like forever

80. Use my herbs in my foods more often
Always forget they are there lol

81. Make pictures out of clouds whilst lying outside
Will do this in winter when it's not too hot to lay outside. Might even get the girls to do it with me, we can make funny pictures with the clouds

82. Have a pyjarma day
Maybe in winter.

83. Read 'Hand wash cold' By Karen Maizen Miller
Can't wait to purchase and read this book.

84. Dance in the rain with my girls
Just because it would be fun.

85. Spend at least 10 mins in my garden daily
Yes, walk on the bare earth with bare feet is grounding for me.

86. Chiro x 1 session per month
Will continue with chiro it always makes me feel good and my neck has never been better since going.

87. Have fancy stationary at work
Just to brighten things up a bit.

88. Visit Ripley's Believe it or not
It's Ella's fav book so she'd love to go and visit.

89. Meditate under a full moon
How divine would this be?

90. Make cheesecake
Just cos we all love it

91. Menu plan EVERY fortnight
To save $$$ and food wastage.

92. Hula Hoop more
Might help me tone up my waistline that is certainly showing signs of over indulgence from Christmas food.

93. Buy Saritah CD
Her voice is amazing and I want my house filled with her tunes.

94. Wear flowers in my hair
Just cos they're pretty.

95. Watch Whales in July
Love doing this.

96. Take a one day road trip with my family
Just to get away and spend time together.

97. Complete one crossword
Cos they bore me but I want the challenge.

98. Buy a boho bag
Cos I like them and I want one that describes 'me'

99. Watch one Titans home game
Haven't seen them since spet 2009. Need to go again. I love the atmosphere of alive NRL game.

100. Hug my family at least twice a day.
Sometimes when I'm working te busyness of life takes over but a huge twice a day can make all the difference.

Well that's my 100 things to do in 2013. I wonder how many I'll achieve. I've love to achieve them all and I can't wait to review next New Year!!! Feel free to share yours and leave a link to your blog.

Much Love!!