I know this because I am in the midst of it all.
I love my daughters so much I cannot even put it in to words.
I feel so pulled at the moment. I feel as though technology, keeping up with the Jones's, peer pressure, extra curricular activities, homework and school projects, performing well at work, financial issues, are all wrapped tightly around me. Sometimes it's hard to breathe.[For instance tonight when my anxiety went into overdrive].
I have visions of living a slow, blissful, peaceful life with my husband and my daughters. Where we can awake each morning, absorb the beautiful day, move slowly, experience quietness and go with the flow.
This is just a dream.
Our mornings [no matter how organised I am the night before] consist of me rushing making beds, making school lunches, arguing with the girls about what they are having for breakfast, making my own lunch, ensuring school bags are packed and did I say arguing?
We then all head off to work / school , usually stressed and upset. Only to then come home and deal with more arguments, cooking dinner, getting washing off the line, folding it and putting it away, helping with homework [and more arguing], cleaning up from dinner, showers, tv, stories and bed [at which point consists of more arguing].
The girls then have dancing two nights a week, mondays and thursdays. They both want ipod touches [which they don't have] but consistently want to play our phones / computers etc. I feel pulled as all the children at their school have ipods. They are amongst a group of peers that embrace this technology and it makes me feel like I need to let them. But that technology itself brings more dramas. Instant messaging causes fights with their peers even whilst at home which in turn brings more tension to our home.
We visit the homes of our girls friends, who are a lot more wealthy than us and I feel my little wooden [and now mouldy outside due to the rain ] home is so insignificant and I am embarrassed by it to ask her friends over to visit.
Homework is something that causes tears and arguments almost daily and I feel is a stress we don't need.
Then amongst all of that I go to work. I need to perform well and remember a LOT!! In a mind that retains little due to how much their is to remember.
So tonight hubby and I made a stand. Girls in bed at 7:30 pm and no watching TV until 8:30 pm. This resulting in screaming and crying from them, hubby getting upset and angry and my anxiety in full force.
Where was the peaceful night? Why can't my girls just be happy to head off to bed, relaxed and happy with a kiss and cuddle at night and being tucked in by us?
Why do we live like this? Because I know no other way??? We have to work and barely able to pay the bills as it is. Because we already live so minimally and barely get by.
Because all of these pressures and influences are what society expects of us all.
It's hard too because I need silence [and the tv is ALWAYS on when hubby is home :(] which he is always home when I am. I need the house to myself just an hour a week and I would be totally happy.
I need silence. I need stillness. I need mindfulness. I just don't know how any of these will happen when the pressures are there. The homework, the technology, the 'keeping up with the Jones's, the job we have to have, the bills we have to pay.
I guess due to the anxiety tonight I am feeling a little helpless. A little like I want to be living slower and have more time with my daughters and not [I'm so exhausted, it's the end of a long work day] rushed/ meaningless time with them.
I'd love some ideas / input if any of my dear readers has any?????
5 comments:
Oh Kristy - you have my sympathy. My family is grown up now but i often wonder how I would be handling this entire peer pressure thing if i had young children now. I have no answers for you - sorry! But I'm sure you're doing your best amidst all the challenges. It seems to me that you would really benefit from some time to yourself. i didn't always take this advice myself I must say, but now I'm older I do. There are so many demands on women these days. Sometimes unless you take a stand and say 'Right! This is MY time! And I'm going to do something I really want to do - on my own!' no-one will even notice that you have any needs of your own. And don't feel guilty about it - you deserve it!
As for the fact that your daughter's friends are more well-off than you - this is a tricky one. An important lesson for kids to learn is that it's not how many possessions you have but what sort of a person you are that's important. If friends only like you if you have a flash house and lots of possessions, then they're not real friends. And that's a hard lesson for kids to learn - it's even a hard lesson for adults too!
Sorry to rave on - I've only just started to follow your blog and this particular post really interested me. It's obvious you're doing a great job - if you weren't you wouldn't even be thinking about these things! Hugs!
Hi Kristy,
I am a new reader to your blog. I am also a Mum of two and a primary school teacher.
OK. I know exactly how your house is running as when my husband and I both worked full time our house was chaos with all the dramas that you have talked about. So please know that it is normal and how you are feeling is very normal.
You didn't mention what your weekends are like. One suggestion is to ask your kids teachers if homework an be handed in on Monday instead of Friday. this gives you all weekend to work on it. explain the situation to the teachers and I'm sure they will accommodate you. I have done this many times for working parents.
I hate ipods etc. I have told my daughter there is none of this till high school - not negotiable. She has access to the family computer at home and obviously computers at school. That is as much as she needs in Year 4. My kids go to bed at 8pm. They are allowed to read till 8:30. This means quiet reading, no talking or getting up or more importantly calling out to me.This is my quiet time to read or watch TV also.
Mornings will be crazy - no getting away from that.
My main advice to is get rid of everything from your schedule that you can while you are both working full time and to organise the life out of everything else. Good Luck. I really enjoy your blog and hope that is one thing you don't decide to give up. LOL
Hi Kristy,
I work 2 jobs and hubby works fulltime.
As a parent to two teenage boys and step parent to 4 children in age from 8 to 13, its all about balance. We have a very strict non negotiable set of houserules on the fridge, covering everything from bedtime through to our own policy on nagging and dobbing. This has lead to calm, consistent parenting as the kids are directed to check the rules themselves (happy to send you a copy).... We also have non negotiable electronic free times. The children are allowed electronics only for two hours on school nights and only small bursts on the weekend. Outside these times everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, tv, computer radio etc gets turned off....it has lead to happier children that play together and communicate.....but as i said its about balance...our kids have ipods/ipads, laptops etc, but we restrict their times, and know all passwords and check their online activity randomly at least once a week.
It is possible xxx
I think a lot of mothers these days are in the same boat. My son is 9 and my daughter just turned 7 and all his friends have iPod touches and I for one am not keen to (1) because of the price and (2) because of the isolated gaming that can be done. I have watched the super nanny on tv and her shows on exactly how much kids need sleep including teens. It's more than you think. Ther is one hour of Xbox for my son and 1 hr do iPad for my daughter after all the homework is done on the weekend. We head to bed at 6.30pm for reading with my daughter and then reading with my son. Ideally 7pm is my official knock off time (ie I'm off duty and it's mummy time) but I keep a fairly strict routine because I do know that even half an hour later over say 5 days leads to tired and cranky kids which leads to a tired and cranky mother. Teeth have to be brushed before they watch a bit of tv after dinner otherwise if I start the teeth at 6.30 that could extend out and waste 15 mins after the two of them do it, fill water bottles and annoy each other on the way back from the bathroom. I'm a single mother for the past 5 years so we do not have to wait until hubby/dad comes home from work so this plan worksnformour little family. From my experience 8.30pm would be way too late for them to get the required amount of sleep. Even if you pull it back by 15mins you will benefit and they will too. All of this (your comments) is a big problem these days with 2 parents working, technology and extra circ activities. The thing that gets me these days is high school kids all having an overseas trip while they are students in school and everyone goes. Goodness me talk about pressure I know I won't be able to afford that for my children when they get to that age. Spending $3k for your child to go away without the own family when they are teenagers seems crazy to me. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia
Thank you all so very much for your replies. So sorry I have been quiet this week. As usual it;s been busy around here :) Anne, I am now going to pencil into my weekly schedule some time for ME :) and vow to make it just as a poriority as everything else that happens each week :)
And you are right. As much as I feel insecure at times about my children having friends with more money I also explain they are lucky but that my children are lucky too, they have everything they need and more :)
Vanessa, Thank you for your reply :) I feel the same way about ipods but then feel that guilt that my children are left out and their friends have them. I guess I remember what it was like as a child to not keep up with friends. But I also feel that their is so much technology and while it's important for children to grow up with it, it's also important that they don't lose their imagination and can live without technology too if that makes sense :)
Karen, After reading your reply I am going to buy a large whiteboard and arm it with a daily routine, jobs and rules for the entire family to follow. I'm looking forward to organising this. I'm going to schedule in times for technology and times without too. Would love to see your rules :)
Kathy - I'm going to try brushing teeth etc earlier so when bed time comes around there is no fussing about and cause it to be another half an hour later. I agree about overseas holidays too. I have never been overseas and there is no way in the world I can afford to take my family overseas. Some children have it very good these days :)
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