The Gift of an Ordinary Day

Things have been quiet around here. I really haven't blogged much because our days have been ordinary. Nothing exciting happening, just the usual work, school, homework, washing, housework etc etc etc But I'm not complaining for these 'Ordinary Days' are a gift that we all should appreciate.

So with that, I'll leave you a short you tube clip to watch called 'The Gift of an Ordinary day'. If you can spare 7 minutes I promise it's worth watching. But be warned.... You may need a box of tissues.

Let me know what you think :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olSyCLJU3O0

ASD - A difficult post to write...............................

This post is difficult for me to write. I've contemplated whether or not to write it or not. Whether or not to share this raw side of our life. But after much contemplation I decided to share this. To put it out there for one reason -  to bring awareness to more people in society about autism.

One of my daughters has Aspergers Syndrome. Date of 'official' diagnosis was the 1st June 2012.  I remember it as if it were yesterday.
As my husband and I walked out of the psychologists office after the 'official' diagnosis in the cold dark of night [it was after 6pm] we hugged. Finally someone confirmed our suspicions and finally we could work on helping our daughter with her daily struggles.

We knew, long before then that she had Aspergers. I, an Early Childhood Educator, since 1998, knew the signs from when she was 18 months old. I was always able to deal with the behaviour up until school age. 0-5 year age was my speciality and I seemed to manage well with her. 
During her school years her behaviour got worse.We knew we needed expert help. So we didn't get a diagnosis until she was almost 10 years old.
To this day, I regret not going down the diagnosis path sooner but I can't change what is, or has been.
I'm not mentioning my daughters name but will refer to her as She or her. I hope that doesn't sound bad :(


So what is Aspergers Syndrome?

 

Aspergers Syndrome  is a neurological condition. The pathways between the front and middle lobes of the brain are muddled up and don’t work properly. It is on the autism spectrum.

Some of the signs we noticed with our daughter were : 

She has always been advanced and smart for her age. She is above average in class and her teachers all say she gets on well with her peers. However we know she struggles and struggles a LOT . She just appears to be on a totally different wave length to her friends and can't quite 'fit in'.She has always been like this, it’s like she is so much older than her peers and just can’t relate to them.  It has always been that way however the older she gets it has been becoming more obvious.

 She can't maintain friendships at all. Every single day of school she complains of having no friends and she has never had a ‘close friend’ that she can connect with. In a group situation when she is trying to ‘fit in’ it’s very much “her  way or the highway”. She constantly wants to organise them, their play and only wants them to play her way.

She doesn’t have any current ‘trends’ like most children her age do. Occasionally she will say she likes ‘Bratz’ etc but really shows no interest and seems to just pretend she is interested to fit in with her peers. She will often just line them all up and not know how to socially interact with them.

She has never been very touchy feely, cuddly even towards us almost to the point that she is rigid when she hugs and it's like she hugs because she has too, it's like it's just not natural for her and she does it because others do. When she does it’s very half hearted and not a normal hug.

She is very intense and will just talk and talk to strangers to the point they don't even know what she is going on about and she doesn't let them speak, she just keeps going. She doesn't seem to pick up when others may have had enough. She talks at them rather than in a conversation with them. She relates well to adults but not so much children her own age. She can be quite blunt and even insulting and blurt things out and not really care or look concerned if it upsets anyone.

She has never engaged in make believe play. She lines all her beanie kids up, or gomu rubbers or mighty beans etc and organises them but doesn’t actually play with them. If her and her sister are playing ‘shops’ or something like that that involves make believe play she will have to organise it and tell her sister how to play. If her sister doesn’t play her way she gets angry and upset. She does not like playdough, clay, goop, finger painting etc and never has. She has very poor handwriting [Which has only just begun to improve after lots of practice from us at home ] and hates gross motor activities and still refuses and can't ride a bike. She wasn’t able to jump from the ground up with both feet until almost 3.5 years of age. She has an obsession with animals and has a way with them, she has to watch every animal show she knows will be on tv. She is apparently really well behaved at school and eager to please but at home her temper is wild, she is very short tempered and just explodes over the most simple things.     She has no self care or personal pride. She only showers because we make her, she doesn’t care if her hair is not done and is messy, refuses to wash it for days and days etc.   She has no idea how to behave in public. She will have a melt down and not care if it’s in the middle of the supermarket. She seems to be in a bubble and just not notice or care that people are looking at her, it’s like she is in her own little world. She can also be very full on with people [at appointments etc where she is very familiar] interrupting adults to voice her opinion on a topic and just keep going on and on not recognising they are losing interest.   She constantly says “No one understands her” No one likes her etc.   She takes jokes and sayings literally all the time. She only copes with routine, if something changes it will almost always end up in a melt down. She has to write lists and routines down in order so she is comfortable with what is going to happen. She is very much a perfectionist. If anyone [like me] for example , makes a mistake when writing a note, shopping list etc She will pick out the error even down to the very finest details.   She loves repetition so she will copy novels straight from the book, will get her maths book and just copy page after page after page.   So where does this leave us????????????? It leaves us with a pretty stressed household almost 90 % of the time. It leaves us with numerous visits to a clinical psychologist for both her and us. It leaves us judged by many members of society who see her as badly behaved when she is having a sensory overwhelm meltdown. It leaves me wondering how on earth some days I manage to make it to work on time after meltdowns all morning. It leaves me mentally drained and exhausted at least 98% of the time. It leaves me feeling guilty I have to work 36 hours a week out of the home and bring my work stresses home and create an even more stressful home. It leaves me wondering how to help her cope and how she will function as an adult. It leaves me feeling guilty that my other daughter is often left out as this behaviour attracts so much attention. It also leaves me feeling like the proudest mum in the world. For while this is all stressful on me, it is on her too. And at the end of the day I wouldn't change her quirkiness for the world. I love her more than life itself and always will.   Autism makes our life difficult at times but being on this journey has also enriched our lives in so many ways too.........................................   Many Blessings.

 

Easter Time

Happy Easter Everyone :) I hope your days have been beautiful and you have enjoyed famy time.
We've had a lovely few days.
I managed to have 2 nights without my daughters this week. My husbands parents had them both on Thursday and Friday night. It was quiet without them here but gave us some time together to relax and refresh which was nice.
Friday I had grand plans to clean, tidy, rearrange. But fate had other ideas when I woke up at 9:30 am [I can't believe it either lol] and was tired and achy and sniffly all day. So I spent the day in bed and on the lounge and now am feeling ok so I think rest was just what the doctor ordered after a busy two weeks at work.Whilst I was resting I read the latest two books I purchased. I have finished 'Slow Family Living ' already. I loved it. Lots of great ideas. But also lots of things that I already do so it was conforting to know that we are indeed already living our slow family life. I haven't started 'Simplicity' yet but can't wait to read it too.

 

 

Last post I showed pics of Mia's rearranged and organised bedroom. We did the same in Ella's room. Culled lots of toys and books no longer needed and freshened her room up and changed the furniture around.

 

We made Bruschetta with our fresh basil from our garden. Mia loves bruschetta now so we have been making it often for her [and us].

The full moon was amazing this week. I did say a silent prayer as I gazed up at her.

 

 

Ella and Mia had a teddy bears picnic with their Teddies today.

 

My girl Faithy loves the box hideout I made her. I'm going to cover it in old vintage sheeting to make it look at little more elegant for her.

 

Luckily the Easter Bunny found our place [sorry about the blurry pic]

 

 

My best friend arrived in town on Friday afternoon and is leaving tomorrow :( We enjoyed coffee together on saturday morning and a walk on the beach this morning. Whilst walking I collected shells and driftwood and created this mobile.

 

Ella also spotted a Port Jackson Shark Egg on the sand. I didn't believe her when she said what it was, we googled it and she was right. Amazing find so the girls are going to take it to school for news this week.

 

 

 

How was your Easter? Would love to hear what you all enjoyed doing.

Hoping you all have a wonderful Easter Monday.

 

The Pure Essence of Innocence

"You are holding the Pure Essence of Innocence". These are the words a dear spiritual friend said to me as I held my firstborn at only days old. And he was right. Babies really are the Pure Essence of Innocence.
This week I watched my younger brother and his partner become parents for the first time.
The lump in my throat all day on wednesday was immense pride and love that I have for them. It held the thoughts of how beautiful, wonderful and magical parenting is.
I was in awe watching my brother this morning take care of his beautiful baby boy. I always knew he would be the best father. He is such a kind and wonderful man and his girlfriend is so very lucky to have him :)
Today we ventured to the Gold Coast to meet my beautiful Nephew. My two daughters took such great care of their new baby cousin and enjoyed their cuddles with him.
I, was suprised [ as I have previously spoke about my desire for more children and my grieveing of never having a son] that my feelings were not of jealousy and what if's, my feelings we that of pure and utter awe and amazement and love for this little boy who will always be my darling nephew.
And as I nursed my nephew this morning I whispered words of love, how loved he will be, how honoured I am to be his Aunty and how I will always be there for him.
Today I fell in love all over again. Today I felt only heartfelt love as I held my nephew. The Pure Essence of Innocence.........................................

Right Now................

Right NOW I'm :

Glad  the work week is over.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

Sorting and decluttering, Selling some unwanted items on facebook buy and sell pages, and it feels GOOD getting rid of things.

Hoping the coming weeks my children start to get better. We've had aching bodies, conjunctivitis, lump on a jaw, vomitting and now tonsilitis just this past 5 weeks.

Looking for suggestions for easy care indoor plants to improve the air flow in our home.

Waiting for the library book that I reserved to come in. It's called Far from the Tree. http://www.bookdepository.com/book/9780701176112?redirected=true&gclid=COqPtbvI_rUCFQZKpgodF0oAig

Feeling very unfit and I hate to say that body image although I don't want it to, still upsets me :( I'm going to try and schedule more exercise into my days somehow.

Missing my best friend. I have very few friends where I live. I miss girly coffee / movie dates.

Wondering what I can do for my daughters for Easter. Something fun/ easy/ crafty maybe? new traditions to start? Would love to hear what others do for Easter.

What are you up to RIGHT NOW!!!!!I would love to know what is going on in your world :)

Our Weekend.....

We had a suprisingly relaxing weekend. It did start with grocery shopping which I really dislike. I dislike how busy Aldi is days, I dislike the loading of the trolley, unloading, loading again and then unloading. Drives me insane and by the time I get home I'm exhausted lol.
Other than that the weekend flowed quite nicely. Even my Mia, 7, said this morning "I feel like the weekend was a holiday". She was obviously relaxed too. She should be as she was vomitting friday night but well again on saturday, but we made sure she rested and took it easy.
Ella had a sleep over at her Grandparents house on saturday night too which made our home extra quiet.

Ella's  gardenia blossomed it's first flower this weekend. It smells divine :)

 

Washing powder was made for the next few months.

 

 

Sandwiches were made and the girls were happy it was on white bakery bread and not wholemeal.

Ella asked for a cake for school lunches this week so a simple butter cake was made [and hubby took a chunk out of the side before my pic. They girls didn't want it iced so it was very simple.

 

 

Mia's bedroom was sorted, cleaned and decluttered. It's amazing how much 'stuff' children manage to collect despite us rarely buying things for them.

 

 

 

I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone that commented on last week's post about living simply in our world right now. I've taken on board and marinated it everyone's thoughts/ ideas and support given. . On todays shopping list I am getting a white board to put up in our main living area with daily routine/ chores/ jobs to do and I'm getting the girls to start to do a few more chores than they have been and I'm also going to delegate times for technology and times without.
Will let you all know how it goes :)

Slow parenting in a fast paced World

It's not easy being a parent. It's even harder being a parent that is trying to live a slow and mindful life with the pressures of living in a fast paced world.
I know this because I am in the midst of it all.
I love my daughters so much I cannot even put it in to words.

I feel so pulled at the moment. I feel as though technology, keeping up with the Jones's, peer pressure, extra curricular activities, homework and school projects, performing well at work, financial issues, are all wrapped tightly around me. Sometimes it's hard to breathe.[For instance tonight when my anxiety went into overdrive].

I have visions of living a slow, blissful, peaceful life with my husband and my daughters. Where we can awake each morning, absorb the beautiful day, move slowly, experience quietness and go with the flow.

This is just a dream.

Our mornings [no matter how organised I am the night before] consist of me rushing making beds, making school lunches, arguing with the girls about what they are having for breakfast, making my own lunch, ensuring school bags are packed and did I say arguing?

We then all head off to work / school , usually stressed and upset. Only to then come home and deal with more arguments, cooking dinner, getting washing off the line, folding it and putting it away, helping with homework [and more arguing], cleaning up from dinner, showers, tv, stories and bed [at which point consists of more arguing].

The girls then have dancing two nights a week, mondays and thursdays. They both want ipod touches [which they don't have] but consistently want to play our phones / computers etc. I feel pulled as all the children at their school have ipods. They are amongst a group of peers that embrace this technology and it makes me feel like I need to let them. But that technology itself brings more dramas. Instant messaging causes fights with their peers even whilst at home which in turn brings more tension to our home.
We visit the homes of our girls friends, who are a lot more wealthy than us and I feel my little wooden [and now mouldy outside due to the rain ] home is so insignificant and I am embarrassed by it to ask her friends over to visit.
Homework is something that causes tears and arguments almost daily and I feel is a stress we don't need.
Then amongst all of that I go to work. I need to perform well and remember a LOT!! In a mind that retains little due to how much their is to remember.

So tonight hubby and I made a stand. Girls in bed at 7:30 pm and no watching TV until 8:30 pm. This resulting in screaming and crying from them, hubby getting upset and angry and my anxiety in full force.

Where was the peaceful night? Why can't my girls just be happy to head off to bed, relaxed and happy with a kiss and cuddle at night and being tucked in by us?

Why do we live like this? Because I know no other way??? We have to work and barely able to pay the bills as it is. Because we already live so minimally and barely get by.
Because all of these pressures and influences are what society expects of us all.
It's hard too because I need silence [and the tv is ALWAYS on when hubby is home :(] which he is always home when I am. I need the house to myself just an hour a week and I would be totally happy.

I need silence. I need stillness. I need mindfulness. I just don't know how any of these will happen when the pressures are there. The homework, the technology, the 'keeping up with the Jones's, the job we have to have, the bills we have to pay.

I guess due to the anxiety tonight I am feeling a little helpless. A little like I want to be living slower and have more time with my daughters and not [I'm so exhausted, it's the end of a long work day] rushed/ meaningless time with them.

I'd love some ideas / input if any of my dear readers has any?????